Hope?

For those who are wondering, yes I am learning a lot. Besides becoming extremely adept at one-handed-ass-wiping, I have been exposed to a whole slew of depressing, soul crushing realities. For example, everyone is being exploited. Fun, yes?

On the health form that I filled out for IHP I was asked if I was mentally sound, because this program caused a lot of stress. I merrily checked "yes, of course I am mentally sound!" because I am, for all intents and purposes. What they failed to tell you is that you, the eager student, would be routinely bombarded with hopeless situation after hopeless situation...failed projects, crushed dreams, and disenfranchisment everywhere, in your face, at all times. Everything is hurting someone, somewhere, and even the best intentions are complete shit when looked at with a critical eye. What has happened, dear reader, is that we (the human race) have become inexticably tangled in a broken system that encompasses, dare I say engulfs, everything we know. The most terrifying part is that we have made it all up, like a childhood game gone terribly terribly wrong.

Recall long ago the overbearing friend who would not stop playing the game, even after you stood up and said "i really don't want to play anymore!" They would follow you every where, still in character, until you couldn't even remember what your real friend was like any more. In fact you kind of hated this obnoxious person. They were really not your friend anymore, because friends just don't do that. You wished that you could univite them from your birthday party but you can't because every body else still likes them. Thats capitalism. And its hurting a lot of feelings.

I make jokes about it because the reality is simply too severe and damaging. This system is Fucked Up. I have been trying to think of a life for myself that does not entail buying into the system, but that life has a niche all its own. We are surrounded. The only thing to do is create a whole new world...and it is going to be really hard. Luckily, I think I we can do it. Somewhere beyond all the dead ends there is a glimmer of light, and I can still see it. Im letting y'all know because when I get back, I expect a revolution from all of you. Yes, that means you.

Hop to it.

Mosquito Net Dreams

White sand beaches...tuquoise waters...sultry sunsets that turn the narrow white washed walls of Stone Town pink and blue. Zanzibar.

Ok enough of that crap. Yes Zanzibar is pretty, but poke your head outside of the lacy hotel curtains for one second, or peek out from behind your martini, and you will see Sadye, sweaty and crouching over a wet toilet in a concrete room splashing water onto her bum in an effort to clean it.

Lefties don't fare so well here.

What is about tourist resorts? Why can the select few come here and take all the fresh water for a pool they don't even use? My homestay family seems to be pretty well to do, cosidering they have a car, a TV, a 19 year old maid and 4 children...yet they still don't have access to clean water? And I am not even going to tackle the issue of a flush toilet. Oh ye with flush toilets. They are both a luxury and a curse, for they keep you connected via your feces to the beaurocratic system that wants to hold you down!!! Unite! Ideals! Save the peguins!

To be serious, I feel a little cut off from the world out there. To those who feel bad that I have not called or written to you personally, I am sorry. I really try, but it just isn't easy. When you pick up the phone, think of me, wandering the streets in my khanga wondering if I will ever speak to my mother again!? I am being dramatic, but it is frustrating. This is what we take for granted, this is what it is like in Zanzibar, the far away place of dreams and spices. I cannot even imagine what it will be like in India.

But of course, life is what you make it: when I am given a concrete bathroom and a mosquito net, I turn myself into a princess, gracfully pouring water over my glistening skin, singing along to a finch that has alighted upon my finger. Then, under the Zanzibari sky I lay out beneath my netted canopy and sigh...to those I love so far away: mapenzi.

JAMBO!

Tanzania, here we are...!
Its hot here. Big news? Well, no I guess not.
I am still trying to figure out this whole Blog thing...Do I use it as a public diary, or do I draft each entry to have some inherent message and moral? At this point, I have 10 minutes left on my computer so here it goes. You can make your own morals out of this one...good luck!!!

We are leaving Dar es Salaam tomorrw for Zanzibar: the land of beaches, tourist hotels and (apparently) a whole host of virile young "studs" who will try to bed us. And not just the ladies, oh ye worried mothers out there. I am terribly excited because we will be living in muslim homestays for two weeks. We get to experience first hand the true power dynamics of such a secretive and oppressive society. I have a feeling it wont be quite like what we see on CNN. A beautiful woman named Selma came to speak to us today body politics in such a culture, and I am under the impression that these cloaked and beveiled women have more power and mystique than we know. I cannot wait to live with them.

Well, 5 minutes left. My life is run by the ticker on my computer screen...hows that for oppressive. I realize my blog posts have been lacking, but its hard! really! Ill try to step it up a notch, as I have been drafting a real kicker of a blog. just you wait!

Love each other! Love yourselves!

All 26 of us have officially been kicked out of our bedrooms in the William Penn house in D.C., and have been moved downstairs to a meeting room where we are unpacking and repacking our bags, trying to understand how we can go 8 months with only 1 (or 2? or 3?) pairs of pants. And should I send home my tennis shoes? and do I really need that toothbrush? well, no none of us have gone so far as to ditch the toothbrush...yet.
Its a bizarre feeling to hold all of your necessary belongs on your back. Though I sent home an entire bag of things that I did not really need, including my cell phone, I still have managed to keep a few superfluous goodies. I have an extra book of poetry, and a robe that I will probably never wear. I have a bikini that is entirely inappropriate for the majority of our trip. I have 14 pairs of underwear.
We are all anxious to leave, and anxious to get where we are going. But thankfully, we are all anxious together. Its all I can do to keep from chewing my nails off, and I don't want to stay here but I couldn't possibly leave. I feel like we will be uprooted repeatedly, until we forget what roots ever felt like in the first place. every week a new place, and one Alum estimated that he slept in over 70 beds during the year. It makes you appreciate your own skin.

I hope that everyone that I love will take a second to love their skin, the only true home we have. And the people you surround yourself with everyday can become your family. All 25 of these students has a special place in my heart, and I fall in love with each of them a little more everyday. we are each others family. And you can make a family everywhere you go, as long as you fill your heart with love, and fill your mind with curiosity.

I love you all